The Silence

How does one admit that they are distant from God? If they are struggling with perceived silence from God, then what can they do? Do they sit and wait for God to reach out to them first? Does opening the holy book they are struggling to open restart the conversation? Does sitting in the quiet, continuing to pour out words open the doors?

It’s not that I doubt my faith. He is and will remain the centre of my life. It’s that – somehow – in the busyness of life, the experiencing of God stopped. Suddenly, songs that led me to worship Him became just words and notes. Prayers feel ritualized, with a specific formula – adoration, thanksgiving, forgiveness and petition… and not a conversation between a Father and daughter. The head knowledge is there, and I can still talk, read and think about theology, but the relationship is suffering in silence.

Even in silence, I used to write about this journey with God. Writing became very difficult, partially because I didn’t want to own up to this mess going on inside. How do you communicate to others that you’re struggling with God? How do you put the words together to say that you can’t seem to open your Bible or have an authentic conversation with God, especially after months and months of journeying through the land of milk and honey?

I am struggling with this silence, and I’m at a loss. My words are only barely tumbling out as I write this. One thing I do know – He never changes. Though I am struggling, He is constant, forever the same.

He loves me, and that’s all I know today. That’s quite enough for today.

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11 comments

  1. pilgrim52

    I have been where you are. Yet, I no longer fear the silence, because the noise was all created by me as a barrier between my soul and God. Silence is good. Silence means we are forced to listen, not pour forth words. God is already in you. God is not ‘out there’ waiting to get in as the popular painting suggests. Your heart is the door. Open it in silence. Blessings on your journey.

    • connienoelle

      Thanks so much for sharing. That is so encouraging – knowing that noise is created by me and my distractions. Thank you immensely for sharing that slice of wisdom.

  2. Lauren

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I, too am going through this and somehow I don’t know how to talk about it to anyone. This is a motivation to me. I needed this today.

  3. Pingback: A Sabbatical « connienoelle writes
  4. Janelle

    I think I’m just now starting to come out from where you were. Sigh. It seems to be a cycle. I go through the land for a long time and next thing I know, I’m dry and weary, striving to make things happen of my own will and testimony. I got tired of it, so God called me out of it. I honestly don’t think I could have come out of it until He called me out. I needed Him to pull me up as He did Peter on the waves. Only then, when we look at Him, can we truly walk on the waves and do what seems impossible 🙂 All my love ❤

  5. lorraineyeung

    Totally struggled with the same thing for a while – usually months at a time.
    I would get in to a spiral of shame, guilt, and identity crisis. The longer it would go on for the worse it would get I would try and cover it up by doing “good works”. I found that identifying where my idols were and where I found my identity helpful in all of that.
    Either way, I find Psalm 42 encouraging when I go through times of quietness with God. Looking forward to hearing how God works through you and in your during this season! 🙂

    • connienoelle

      I experienced it for almost exactly a year, right after two years of fruitfulness and passion for God. It was so difficult. I guess we cover it with “good works” because our actions are the only things that we can control, so we’ll try to control anything we can grasp. Thanks for the tip on identifying idols – I think that’s definitely a good place to start. It’s really learning how to be and how to still ourselves so that we can hear from God again. Thanks for the passage as well!

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