How does one admit that they are distant from God? If they are struggling with perceived silence from God, then what can they do? Do they sit and wait for God to reach out to them first? Does opening the holy book they are struggling to open restart the conversation? Does sitting in the quiet, continuing to pour out words open the doors?
It’s not that I doubt my faith. He is and will remain the centre of my life. It’s that – somehow – in the busyness of life, the experiencing of God stopped. Suddenly, songs that led me to worship Him became just words and notes. Prayers feel ritualized, with a specific formula – adoration, thanksgiving, forgiveness and petition… and not a conversation between a Father and daughter. The head knowledge is there, and I can still talk, read and think about theology, but the relationship is suffering in silence.
Even in silence, I used to write about this journey with God. Writing became very difficult, partially because I didn’t want to own up to this mess going on inside. How do you communicate to others that you’re struggling with God? How do you put the words together to say that you can’t seem to open your Bible or have an authentic conversation with God, especially after months and months of journeying through the land of milk and honey?
I am struggling with this silence, and I’m at a loss. My words are only barely tumbling out as I write this. One thing I do know – He never changes. Though I am struggling, He is constant, forever the same.
He loves me, and that’s all I know today. That’s quite enough for today.